For the
Love of Alice
This is it; this is the last time Alice
to be in
charge. Tired of being doubtful and depressed about herself
and her life,
she now wages war against her inner demons and faults.
There had always been some sort of fight within herself the moment
she quit
laughing and all she wanted to do was cry. If she could
somehow change
her problems and herself, that is what she was
going to do.
once she wrapped
her mind around something, there
was no talking
her out of it. She had always prayed
to find a cure
for what she called her "disciplined
recklessness"-anger,
calm, rage, cry, calm, depression,
self-doubt,
isolate, calm, comfortably numb.
She led a too serious, laughless, friendless, loveless,
be independent,
don't touch me, and don’t show your emotions life.
She couldn't
understand why a mother who said, "I love you" would
turn around and beat
her for not understanding math or because
she couldn't
find a matching show fast enough; or how a father who
said, "I
love you" would sneak in her room while drunk and proceed
to act like she
was his wife and then buy her silence with anything
she wanted. For
her safety, she had to learn to lie and shut her
emotions off.
The only way she coped was through alcohol and cigarettes.
Everybody knows
that alcoholics always tell the truth while
they are drunk
because they never have the guts to say
what they truly
feel sober.
She was the
strong silent type, the kind that would put on
a smile and lie
when she was hurting or upset. She didn't
like being
vulnerable at any time so she kept to herself.
She never really liked the fake laughter brought
from the
alcohol, but it worked for years to the point
her family had
no idea she had been drinking. Then one
day she didn't
care anymore.
The very things she desired in life-love, laughter, being
wanted and
needed but not used, she ran from or kept
herself too
busy. It wasn't so much that those feelings
snuck up on her
one day, they flat out scared her.
All she knew is when she opened herself to those feelings
before and as a
child, she was used and abused. According
to her, she was
never going to have that happen again as
long as she
could help it.
and to those she
opened her heart to. She constantly
questions herself
and wonders-does she even know what
real love is and
can she love someone right?
Fred, her best friend and mate knew in the beginning
was going to
allow him into her world, he needed to
know the truth
of her hard life. She had done peace
time and war
time as both a civilian and a military
personnel. To
her, her life had always been at war
with little
peace.
He didn't know what drew him to her but it was
something bigger
than he had ever felt. All he knew
was somehow he
had to get to know her. He wanted
to be her friend
and be in her life, but needed to find a
way to create an
opening.
After Fred and Alice talked, he chose to use their
common love of
movies and crafts plus his sense of
humor to crack
the door to her heart. He desperately
wanted someday
to hear her have a good laugh and it
be all natural.
He was up for the challenge, if she would
have him.
In his eyes, she was never a project or fly by night mission.
There was something
about her that caught his player ways
in a net. From
that moment on, she was all he wanted.
He looked deep
into her hazel eyes and knew he wanted and
needed to teach
her to laugh, to love and have more of a life
than she was
living. He wanted to teach her that true love
doesn't hurt.
to her heart
where Fred was knocking. Even though
every other time
she allowed someone into her world
she was taken
advantage of and walked on, she sensed
and knew he was
different.
Fred knew with everything she had already experienced
that she had
built a wall to protect herself. It was scary
for her because
the wall was so solid from being up so long.
He would have to
take it slow and prove to her that he wanted
her with no
strings attached or mind games being played.
He always made a point to remind Alice
was and still is
beautiful. Emphasizing that her quirks
and faults
helped to create who she is and that's who he loves.
He loved her
mind, creativity, gusto, and her heart.
For as big as her heart is, he's going to have to teach her
to not take
things so personal; and that she can't control
other people's
actions and decisions. He could never under-
stand why she
would take on someone else's troubles when
she has enough
of her own; but that's the helping heart part
of her he loves
too.
As Fred gently holds her face in his hands, he looks
her square in
the eyes and says, "I didn't fall in love with
your problems
and faults, but I accept them because they
are a part of
you. I love you for who you are, you are more
than your
problems or quirks. I'm not leaving."
As tears slowly slide down her cheeks, at that moment
she knew he
wouldn't leave her no matter how hard or how
many times she
pushed him away. For he knew that wasn't
the message she
really meant.
Slowly, her wall started to crumble brick by brick as they worked
together to keep
true love alive. Although part of her wall is still up,
Fred's love for Alice
completely, his
love proves that love and patience can out-live pain
and the past.
True love doesn't give excuses or lies in any circumstance.
Its acceptance
"as is" no matter how long you are together.
Besides God,
love is the best trump anyone can have.
Written By,
Claysong (C)
