Tis the Time

Christmas is the time of year to celebrate
with family and friends both far and near.

With the sounds of silence up and down
the streets, all you really hear are the
songs of peace.

The lights are gleaming and glowing to
and fro, up and down the street as you go,
lighting up the town to see if Santa Claus
can really be found.

Since the time is near and here, and you're
there and I am here, I happily send the cheer
of Christmas and the New Year.

Merry Christmas to you all my dears.


Written by,
Claysong(C)

Power to Hold

Reflections of the past mirrors the present status and attitudes in life.
They should be enough to motivate me to decide whether I want to
be stagnant or to grow.

I am choosing to not be the victim but the victor despite how hard
people tried to break me. I'm striving to choose to leave the past
where it belongs and keep the power for myself.

The school of Life and Hard Knocks are the hardest ones to learn
from, but they are the best teachers; that is if you learned your lessons.

The power of my past needs to be archived files only I can visit when
I need to. I need to be able to do that without going into a depressive
state.

I finally want the control, I am taking back the control!



Written By,
Claysong(C)

Peeling the Layers

Trying to shed our old selves to become new, we chisel away
 layers of our past unstable inner selves.

As we begin, it leaves us scraped, cut, and bruised. Not knowing
where to turn next, we become trapped by nothingness striving
to pass the world's tests.

Constantly seeking treasure that's seemingly unfindable, sparkling
in the distance, the jewel teases like a nasty disease. Once you
find it, you can't grab it.

Drifting between real life and a video game, we go through life
collecting points. Immortality and goods we scramble to buy.

Characters become reality when people get addictive and vindictive.
Looking from within, you realize your friends are not who you once knew.

Revealing the layers, they are raw and conspicious, sometimes
you have to take life by the corner; peeling problems one at a time.

Life can be cruel sometimes, but we have to learn to pick our battles.

When we have fought the fight, somehow the overall lesson ends up
being positives nobody expected.

May you find the strength within you to step forward
and start peeling your layers.



Written By,
Claysong (C)

The Thorn

The time has come for us to move on, 

for if we keep looking back we will always ask, 

"what went wrong?"

 

You placed a thorn in my side

the day you decided to lie. 

Damn your selfish pride, 

you allowed it to become alive.

 

Although none are perfect and all have faults;

lying and using are ones I simply cannot 

and will not accept.

 

We both deserve someone 

but it's not each other, 

I don't want to continue to duck and cover.

 

Each time you lied , the thorn dug deeper

which kept me in a painful stooper.

 

I now release you to be with yourself 

and my heavy thorn can be plucked. 

I wish you all the best of luck.

 

 

Written By-Claysong(C)

Battle Scarred Heart

A wounded and scarred heart slowly leaking
what life, love, dignity, and humanity I have left
in me is barely beating.

Deeply pierced by scattered shrapnel
from life's challenges and wars is its injury.
A heart can only take so much pain and pressure,
sorrow and suffering, guilt and grief before it bursts.

I am seeking to remove the shrapnel and recover
from a life of negativity and old shame. Trapped
by my own criticizing and sometimes paralyzed
by my fear of disappointing those I love and
those who I thought loved me.

It's going to take the rest of my life to recouperate
and slowly take the pieces out one by one. To bravely
bury them where they belong; in the past.

I am learning to live and forgive, to love and hug,
to cope and hope; but most of all to move onward
and upward.

Realizing there will be a few battles won quickly,
and some moderately but never forgetting the ones
I've won thus far.

For no matter how much shrapnel you remove
from any heart, there will always be scars.

Written By,
Claysong(C)

THE KEY

Trapped and caged by a prison
of my own afflictions am I.
Lost and estranged in a loveless,
unappreciated, unsupportive, hypocritical
family.

As I reach out for someone, anyone
to hear my plea, all I hear is," Here,
this is for you, now go away."

No quality time, no true acceptance
or respect, and no true love from anyone.
A family built upon secrets and lies, all
that matters is what people see and perceive.

I am my own key to freedom,
yet when given the opportunity I back
away and hide like a beaten child from
its abuser.

Cold-hearted and unresponsive to everyone
except those I choose to allow into my world.
Gone are the days and ways for the chance
to shape and use maternal instincts.

In the blink of an eye, the natural yearning
to want to love was stripped from me.
Plucked and thrown away like the thorn
from a stemmed rose.

All my life my journey has been one big search
party; for love, acceptance, a sense of belonging,
and most of all who I am.

I sense my journey is an endless one,
for my fear paralyzes me from moving
forward and letting go.

I pray one day I can find what I'm seeking;
to find the strength to use my key and free myself.


Written By,
Claysong(C)

My Psalm to God

(This is my Psalm 16 & 18)

Oh Lord, bless my heart and soul.
For as long as you have given me breath,
I have known and felt you were with me.

My heart and soul seek you, hungers for you,
cries out to you for comfort and peace.

For reasons unknown, I have been thrown
to the lions and wolves in different ways.
Wolves in sheep skin they covered themselves
to get close to me.

To test me, to try me, to devour my peace,
patience, sanity, humanity, and love.
I don't know who I am anymore or ever was,
but I do know I am yours.

The sorrows and snares of my past have lingered
and bound me like a rope against my throat keeping
me from living life. The life in abundance you have
promised.

The seed you have placed within me has only
just sprouted and started to grow. For no matter
what hole I stumbled into, I know I can call to you
and there your hand will be.

Death has knocked on my door a few times
and I refused to answer. Almost drowning from
the sea of my own tears I have; but when they dried
up like sand, I tried to drown my sorrows into a sea
of brown and gold.

None could give answers or understanding to the age
old question of "why"? But I have not, will not ever
blame you Lord. For your divine plan for me is flawless
even though I have many flaws.

I may never understand the roads you have me to travel,
but am grateful you would even consider working with
or using such a cracked and leaky vessel.

For I cannot help anyone, even myself if I haven't
been through any heartache or calamity.

Hear me O Lord, your humbled and hurt child.
I need your love and guidance to learn how to
put to rest the pieces of my past.

Teach me Lord, to lay those heavy boulders before you
so I can use them as stepping stones for a more peaceful
present that can stretch to the future.

Often I have stumbled off the path you laid before me,
but it is your loving voice and nudge that lead me back.
For so long I have tried to drown out the voices of those
who try to tear me away from you.

Lord, please never let me turn deaf to what you are
trying to teach me.

I may not have won every battle, but nevertheless
Lord, you have given me the strength and courage
to conquer the enemies I have.

Your sustaining power gives me the confidence
to keep trying to tear down the wall that my mind
and flesh have riveted together.

I long to feel your arms wrapped around me Lord,
to sink into your blanket of protection and peace.
May my eyes be always opened to see what you see,
the beauty beyond the beasts.

written By,
Claysong(C)

Story-For the Love of Alice

                                               For the Love of Alice

     This is it; this is the last time Alice was going to allow her feelings

 to be in charge. Tired of being doubtful and depressed about herself 

and her life, she now wages war against her inner demons and faults.

     There had always been some sort of fight within herself the moment

she quit laughing and all she wanted to do was cry. If she could

somehow change her problems and herself, that is what she was

going to do.

     Alice was always the tom-boyish stubborn type,

once she wrapped her mind around something, there

was no talking her out of it. She had always prayed

to find a cure for what she called her "disciplined 

recklessness"-anger, calm, rage, cry, calm, depression,

self-doubt, isolate, calm, comfortably numb.

     She led a too serious, laughless, friendless, loveless,

be independent, don't touch me, and don’t show your emotions life.

She couldn't understand why a mother who said, "I love you" would

turn around and beat her for not understanding math or because

she couldn't find a matching show fast enough; or how a father who 

said, "I love you" would sneak in her room while drunk and proceed

to act like she was his wife and then buy her silence with anything

she wanted. For her safety, she had to learn to lie and shut her 

emotions off.

     The only way she coped was through alcohol and cigarettes.

Everybody knows that alcoholics always tell the truth while 

they are drunk because they never have the guts to say

what they truly feel sober.

     Alice was different; she was a happy drunk but very careful.

She was the strong silent type, the kind that would put on 

a smile and lie when she was hurting or upset. She didn't

like being vulnerable at any time so she kept to herself.

     She never really liked the fake laughter brought

from the alcohol, but it worked for years to the point 

her family had no idea she had been drinking. Then one 

day she didn't care anymore.

     The very things she desired in life-love, laughter, being

wanted and needed but not used, she ran from or kept

herself too busy. It wasn't so much that those feelings

snuck up on her one day, they flat out scared her.

     All she knew is when she opened herself to those feelings

before and as a child, she was used and abused. According

to her, she was never going to have that happen again as 

long as she could help it.

     Alice's ultimate fear was losing those she holds dear

and to those she opened her heart to. She constantly

questions herself and wonders-does she even know what 

real love is and can she love someone right?

     Fred, her best friend and mate knew in the beginning

Alice was going to be a challenge. She knew if she

was going to allow him into her world, he needed to

know the truth of her hard life. She had done peace

time and war time as both a civilian and a military 

personnel. To her, her life had always been at war

with little peace.

     He didn't know what drew him to her but it was

something bigger than he had ever felt. All he knew

was somehow he had to get to know her. He wanted

to be her friend and be in her life, but needed to find a 

way to create an opening.

     After Fred and Alice talked, he chose to use their

common love of movies and crafts plus his sense of

humor to crack the door to her heart. He desperately 

wanted someday to hear her have a good laugh and it

be all natural. He was up for the challenge, if she would

have him.

     In his eyes, she was never a project or fly by night mission.

There was something about her that caught his player ways

in a net. From that moment on, she was all he wanted. 

He looked deep into her hazel eyes and knew he wanted and 

needed to teach her to laugh, to love and have more of a life

than she was living. He wanted to teach her that true love

doesn't hurt.

     Alice took a chance on love and opened the door

to her heart where Fred was knocking. Even though

every other time she allowed someone into her world

she was taken advantage of and walked on, she sensed

and knew he was different.

     Fred knew with everything she had already experienced

that she had built a wall to protect herself. It was scary

for her because the wall was so solid from being up so long.

He would have to take it slow and prove to her that he wanted

her with no strings attached or mind games being played.

     He always made a point to remind Alice that she

was and still is beautiful. Emphasizing that her quirks

and faults helped to create who she is and that's who he loves.

He loved her mind, creativity, gusto, and her heart.

     For as big as her heart is, he's going to have to teach her

to not take things so personal; and that she can't control 

other people's actions and decisions. He could never under-

stand why she would take on someone else's troubles when

she has enough of her own; but that's the helping heart part

of her he loves too.

     As Fred gently holds her face in his hands, he looks

her square in the eyes and says, "I didn't fall in love with

your problems and faults, but I accept them because they

are a part of you. I love you for who you are, you are more 

than your problems or quirks. I'm not leaving."

     As tears slowly slide down her cheeks, at that moment

she knew he wouldn't leave her no matter how hard or how 

many times she pushed him away. For he knew that wasn't 

the message she really meant.

     Slowly, her wall started to crumble brick by brick as they worked

together to keep true love alive. Although part of her wall is still up,

Fred's love for Alice is still strong. As he awaits for her wall to fall

completely, his love proves that love and patience can out-live pain

and the past.

     True love doesn't give excuses or lies in any circumstance.

Its acceptance "as is" no matter how long you are together.

Besides God, love is the best trump anyone can have.

Written By,

Claysong (C)