Monday, April 30, 2012

The Burdens

The burdens I carry from day to day
are like a heaviness placed upon my mind
and heart that pushes down upon my spine.
It is almost as if my spirit and soul has
parted ways.

The pain travels down to the pit
of my stomach. And I have the
bitter taste of guilt and shame
lingering in my throat.

Constantly having the hounding question
of, "What more could I have done?"
Playing over and over in my head like
a broken record.

I was afraid that I had held on to too much,
or that I had angered God to the point that He
wouldn't want me.

Yet somewhere below the burning pit,
I felt a calming presence calling to me;
telling me to let things go and to lean on Him.
Reminding me that He loves me no matter what,
and He will be waiting for me when I am ready.

Somehow I knew I needed to cry out
and pray to Him but I just couldn't find
the strength within me.

It was as if I was bolted where I sat
and gravity wouldn't let let me move no
matter how much I tried.

I felt like I had betrayed those whom I
loved or was responsible for. Like everything
that I ever worked for had just exploded.

These feelings and symptoms of the tragedies
that I have been through, won't run their coarse
in a week like a cold; or fade away over time like
an old picture.

I know I need to work through these feelings.
For if I don't, I could forever be trapped in this
lost and worthless state of mind.

Within my grasp is healing and growth,
if I would just grab the hand that has reached
out for me. Someday I will actually take His hand,
and when I do His strength will be mine.

It can be scary but fulfilling to release
the pressure I've carried for so long.
He will carry my burdens, my pain,
and my sorrows when I give them
to Him.

Peace is possible and attainable
for us all who carry those deep
burdens. But we all have to be
willing to lay them down.

Written By,

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Reach Toward the Stars

When you feel all hope is lost, 
don't let your head fall in despair
or shed a tear. Instead, reach
toward the stars and grab the rope
that God lowers.

There are many times we get ourselves
in situations that aren't always our fault,
but every decision causes a reaction.

We pray and cry out to God, not only
to hear us; but to rescue and fix us from
the inside out. Sometimes we don't hear Him,
but He softly and tenderly calls out; "Look up,
reach toward the stars. Grab the rope and get
energized with my hope in you."

Look forward not back, look up not down;
the stars are reachable. Believe in yourself
as god believes in you. 

Reach Toward the Stars!

Written By,

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Dead Giveaway

No matter how hard we try to suppress
the shy, timid, lonely, or depressed 
child, he or she gets trapped inside our 
optimistic adult selves. Like two quarrelsome friends, 
our hearts and minds struggle to stay neutral.

Acting as if nothing is wrong,
our inner selves burst out while
we are trying to just go with the flow
and be seen and not heard.
Obviously the nervousness becomes
dead giveaways to everyone but us.

Receding from the world, 
we hide within ourselves trying to 
lock out pain and disappointment. 
Not only from others, but from ourselves. 

Carefully we guard our words and actions;
but there is nothing we can do about
our feelings. Instant downers as they
become dead giveaways and can't be swayed. 

Desperately we attempt to let the
happy-go-lucky, worry 'bout nothin'
child out and have fun. Then life happens 
and snaps us back to reality and we have to keep
our sanity.

Reaching out for what we once had
but will never again: no time limits,
no curfews, or no interest about what's 
in the news.

When gravity pulls us back down
to Earth, it's a shame what we hide
from others, but especially from ourselves.
It's a dead giveaway.

Written By,

Sunday, April 15, 2012

PTSD's Reflection

Forever trapped to wear one mask 
for the day and another for the night. 
Feeling like my life is a non-stop bullfight.

Lost in the sight of my own self,
I'm caught between putting on 
a smile and saying, "I'm fine."
Meanwhile, inside I'm falling
faster than sand in a timer,
desperately wanting to scream,
"I don't want to be confined anymore!"

Traveling within the walls of my mind,
I slide ever so slowly between my night-
mares and reality. Sometimes not knowing 
which is which is confusing.

These feelings keep me from being able
to determine whether I am angry or batty,
so I come off to others as a bully.

There are days on end that I will pull
all nighters or wake up every two hours
at a time. I would hide myself from the
world as if I had committed a crime.

Living with PTSD and Bi-polar disorder
leaves you feeling like a high functioning
mentally challenged ticking time bomb.
One that can crumble in a second like

With help, love, and a good support system,
we can blend into society and you would
never know. 

To get respect, you have to give it. 
You must remember, you never know
what a person has been through.

The very freedom we all have, is because
of those who have fought for this country.
Don't be a hinder but a helper.

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