THE KEY

Trapped and caged by a prison
of my own afflictions am I.
Lost and estranged in a loveless,
unappreciated, unsupportive, hypocritical
family.

As I reach out for someone, anyone
to hear my plea, all I hear is," Here,
this is for you, now go away."

No quality time, no true acceptance
or respect, and no true love from anyone.
A family built upon secrets and lies, all
that matters is what people see and perceive.

I am my own key to freedom,
yet when given the opportunity I back
away and hide like a beaten child from
its abuser.

Cold-hearted and unresponsive to everyone
except those I choose to allow into my world.
Gone are the days and ways for the chance
to shape and use maternal instincts.

In the blink of an eye, the natural yearning
to want to love was stripped from me.
Plucked and thrown away like the thorn
from a stemmed rose.

All my life my journey has been one big search
party; for love, acceptance, a sense of belonging,
and most of all who I am.

I sense my journey is an endless one,
for my fear paralyzes me from moving
forward and letting go.

I pray one day I can find what I'm seeking;
to find the strength to use my key and free myself.


Written By,
Claysong(C)

My Psalm to God

(This is my Psalm 16 & 18)

Oh Lord, bless my heart and soul.
For as long as you have given me breath,
I have known and felt you were with me.

My heart and soul seek you, hungers for you,
cries out to you for comfort and peace.

For reasons unknown, I have been thrown
to the lions and wolves in different ways.
Wolves in sheep skin they covered themselves
to get close to me.

To test me, to try me, to devour my peace,
patience, sanity, humanity, and love.
I don't know who I am anymore or ever was,
but I do know I am yours.

The sorrows and snares of my past have lingered
and bound me like a rope against my throat keeping
me from living life. The life in abundance you have
promised.

The seed you have placed within me has only
just sprouted and started to grow. For no matter
what hole I stumbled into, I know I can call to you
and there your hand will be.

Death has knocked on my door a few times
and I refused to answer. Almost drowning from
the sea of my own tears I have; but when they dried
up like sand, I tried to drown my sorrows into a sea
of brown and gold.

None could give answers or understanding to the age
old question of "why"? But I have not, will not ever
blame you Lord. For your divine plan for me is flawless
even though I have many flaws.

I may never understand the roads you have me to travel,
but am grateful you would even consider working with
or using such a cracked and leaky vessel.

For I cannot help anyone, even myself if I haven't
been through any heartache or calamity.

Hear me O Lord, your humbled and hurt child.
I need your love and guidance to learn how to
put to rest the pieces of my past.

Teach me Lord, to lay those heavy boulders before you
so I can use them as stepping stones for a more peaceful
present that can stretch to the future.

Often I have stumbled off the path you laid before me,
but it is your loving voice and nudge that lead me back.
For so long I have tried to drown out the voices of those
who try to tear me away from you.

Lord, please never let me turn deaf to what you are
trying to teach me.

I may not have won every battle, but nevertheless
Lord, you have given me the strength and courage
to conquer the enemies I have.

Your sustaining power gives me the confidence
to keep trying to tear down the wall that my mind
and flesh have riveted together.

I long to feel your arms wrapped around me Lord,
to sink into your blanket of protection and peace.
May my eyes be always opened to see what you see,
the beauty beyond the beasts.

written By,
Claysong(C)