Saturday, March 22, 2008


(What every Veteran never speaks
 but represents)

While you were home, I was gone. 
Your Freedom is my sacrifice.
While you were protesting, 
I was protecting Your 
Freedom is my sacrifice.
While you were sleeping, 
I was guarding 
Your Freedom is my sacrifice.
While you were praying, I was dying. 
Your Freedom WAS my sacrifice.

Written By, 

1 comment:

Luke Prater said...

this one is good - the repetition works well. I think centre-aligning does it a disservice though, and I see need for the caps on the last 'WAS'. It feels overstated. The repetition device you employ already in previous lines underscores that word. Possibly italicise it, but in my humble opinion CAPS are almost always overstated and look like the poet is SHOUTING or forgot to take their caps lock off. In poetry, subtlety can be a strength. the way you build up to this line using repetition is an example of subtlety rendering a strong, emotive message. Smaller font may be preferable so line 3 doesn't run on onto another line.

Let me know if you want more like this, though I'm v busy so may take a while to get to ya! I chose a short, easy one that only needs a little editing (all just my opinion, of course :)

Hope this is helpful